The Invisible Killer

What woes this invisible killer does bring!

What terrors, affictions and other things!

Oh! Covid! How awful it is

To live in a world struck down like this!

No! No more! Stop causing a scene!

I wish to receive the Covid vaccine!

The Irresistible Lure Of High Velocity

The drivers rev the engines on the grid.

The crowd holds its breath.

The lights begin to change.

The cars rev harder.

And they're off!

The cars go around the track.

Around they go.

See them go.

Around and around.

Look at them go around.

There they go.

They go around.

They go around.

Some bloke squirts champagne from a very big bottle.

Hurrah!

Covid Nation

I have learned many things about myself

During the pandemic.

Most of the time I work from home

Which suits me very well.

I have avoided getting sick,

I have avoided meeting people,

And I have avoided that bloke at work who talks for hours and hours about the time he lived in Finland.

So, what have I learned?

How to make Kimchi is one thing,

Although I have to get the ingredients off the internet,

So I might as well buy it ready made from Waitrose.

I sometimes wish that I live in a more cosmopolitan area,

Where Korean radish and fermented chilli paste are readily available,

But then I would probably have to meet other people

When I go to the local greengrocers,

And that would never do.

One thing in particular I have realised

Is how much I dislike other people.

I sneer at folk from behind my net curtains

And curse when they make too much noise,

Although I do it very quietly

So as not to draw attention to myself.

Perhaps lockdown has not been too bad for me.

It keeps me off the streets,

Away from other people

And at home with the cats,

Where I belong.

There is an added benefit:

I don’t have to listen to that bloke at work who talks for hours and hours about the time he lived in Finland.

On Potatoes

 I’m allergic to raw potatoes.

They make me sneeze

And make my eyes water

When I peel them.

When I peel them,

I have to stick tissues up my nose

Or wear a facemask.

Thankfully, in these dark times of Covidity

And unpredictability

I have plenty of reuseable, washable masks

So that I can peel potatoes

Without sneezing all over the food,

And, as an added benefit,

Not catch the coronavirus.

Lockdown Blues

Lockdown’s not been kind to me,

It’s made me rather fat.

It’s down to inactivity,

I now look like my cat.

Ollie is a rescued tom

That likes to sleep all day.

He sleeps, he eats, and sometimes shits,

And I clean his litter tray.

Ollie has a brother too,

Oscar is his name.

Although they are both black and white,

They do not look the same.

Ollie’s fat and Oscar’s thin,

And their markings are distinctive.

Oscar’s are symmetrical

But there’s not much that’s descriptive.

I wish Ollie would get out more;

The vet is worried about him.

I’m more worried about my waistline.

Perhaps I'll join a gym.

The Nature Of The Human Heart

 

The human heart is a mystery

To some, but not to me.

I see it for what it really is,

As electricity runs through the bundle of His.

Wordsmiths talk about desire,

How love ignites the heart’s fire,

Makes it throb with passion

Or beat in some other fashion.

The heart may slow when you sleep at night,

Or speed up when you get into a fight.

Yes, they say it becomes affected,

When you are elated or dejected,

Or when you get into a tussle,

But I know that it’s just a muscle.

Horror

Horror is cool

Horror is dudey

Horror is scary

But still very dudey

I like horror

Cause it is full of blood

Also I think

That it ain’t a load of crud

The gory bits are best

Especially the maws

Of the big, big monsters

With their chainsaws

Notes On Working From Home

I sit

At my desk

As I work from home.

When I look up

I see the garden.

I see the grass.

It does not look any longer than it did yesterday,

But my wife will still ask me to mow it

And put some fertiliser on it.

 

I sit

At my desk.

Technically,

It is the dining room table

As I do not own a desk,

Let alone an office.

If I had an office,

It would be upstairs

And I would not be able to see the garden,

Nor be constantly reminded of the need

To mow the lawn.

 

I get up

And make myself a cup of tea.

As I wait for the tea to brew

I look out

Of the kitchen window

And see the bloody grass again.

The House On The Hill

There is a house on a hill

Just at the bottom of the Peak District.

It is a nice house.

It has a red door.

It has a wisteria growing on one side

And a crunchy gravel drive.

But I think it would be impractical to live there;

The nearest supermarket is fifteen miles away

In Congleton,

And I bet the broadband speed is rubbish.