My Advancing Years

If my spine was not crunchy,

If my knees were not made of jam,

If my shoulder was not twisted and lumpty,

If my guts were not full of lava,

If my fingers were not shaped like hooks,

If my ankle did not crack like a gun,

If my eyes were not fuzzy and vague,

I might be tempted to climb Mount Everest.

But my body is letting me down,

As time passes and wreaks havoc upon me.

But now that I think about it,

The climb does not really appeal to me after all.

I think I would rather spend the day in bed

With a nice cup of tea.

Or perhaps a book,

To occupy my time.

Getting old has few positive factors,

But there is one that I like:

The skin on my hands is rather loose now

Compared to back in my youth.

Now, when I dry my hands

Under a high-speed air dryer

The skin makes amusing farting sounds

Which makes me giggle like the child I once was.